Long time...

Its a long time that i didnt met hendy.. I miss him so much defently.. But i cant reach that.. I miss moments that we share everything.. Sometimes i know he come to church but we not met... Its a long timee ago we met.. Untill one day i met him at church.. We not sitting side by side.. But from where i sit i can saw there is hendy.. Sitting alone cross threir parents. I know as usual he came late.. After that he move to side his parents.. And i sit on the other side far away... Untill finish.. I try to say hello but its difficult.. When i want back to car he on the phone.. So i cant saying anything with him.. But i know God always good he give me the other chance to saying hello..

I cross by car through him on his parents's car that he bring something to kak sella... And i try so many times that i want say "hai dy" and what i get.. I just give hand and big smile that i can give to him.. And i dont know to who he smile, because when i do that someone cross infront of him.. And i gone... Honestly im so sad that i cant saying hi like as usual i did.. But now.. After naya come to world everyrhing is diffrent.. Its took many times to saying hello to hendy.. Its so difficult to see his smile.. After anaya came to the world i just saw face to face with hendy only one time with his big smile.. With his soul i know.. That smile.. I never forget.. Its smile to me.. But after that.. I can not saw his smile again..

Dear God.. Its been a along time ago that i can know hendy so good.. But now.. I miss him so much.. Not because of him.. But i miss every moments that i through with hendy.. Sharing, togetherness, driving.. Its all moment i remember when i with him.. I can smile like no problem.. I learn so many things that i get from hendy.. I really miss our moment.. From hendy i learn to be stuff.. I learn being indepence.. I can driving like crazy with him.. Dear God.. I know hendy is only one.. I may not ask you to give me someone like hendy.. Not with same face.. But i hope there is friend who like hendy.. Caring me with his own way.. Trusing me like no other people.. Sharing sad and happy moments.. I miss that time.. Now i must through everything without hendy.. Its so haes.. But by the time its looks so easy.. But my heart being hard like a rock..

I miss hendy... I miss our moments.. I miss moments a long time ago..

Flashback

Lets i start to flash back what happen in my life on 2014..
So many story that i have in this year..  Im being so tuff person, indepence, and im strong enoung..

Let start on the fisrt month i had a bless xmas and new year present that i can going to korea for holiday.. And through again mont by month.. On mid of the year im being strong enough to handle big event of sunday school camp.. And this what i know is i can range and handle by myself.. Without helping hendy.. Because dy is going to sg for mei's cousin wedding..

And im still working at matahari.. Eventhough sometimes i want resign.. But sometimes not.. And what happen is on my birthday.. Popo rest in peace on my birthday.. Need some weeks to refresh my mind.. And make courage to come to her bedroom... Im feeling lost of her.. Because everyday i saw, talk even just say hi or something else..

And on the end of year, berli is death... On christmas eve.. Its so sad to heard that.. My pet from my junior high school.. My friend, my place to share..

And today is the end of year.. I hope everything will be better on next year..

I will fight till the end and never give up...

My 27

Thats my 27 yo this year..
I have a morning run.. And have a routine day by day...
Have a wonderful life in office.. Have a tea time at office.. And have a chit chat with the other...

And unfortunetly i have a bad news when i back to my desk from chit chat...
Popo rest in peace..
I just drop my phone and said to my friend "popo gw meninggal"
Fadia, amir, adi saw me when im crying...

I think its my best present i had...

Come home and saw in my home have a lot of people... Having dinner with unpredictable condition... Having dinner with popo still in room.. Being cold and more cold...

On friday, my office mate come to oasis..
We chat, sharing, laughing... And i tidak pernah terpikir that my officemate come so many... Almost 1 store dev come..
What i amaze too is adi come alone after the other arrive and taddaaa... Adi come.. He drive alone.. Shiokk.. And he looks so baiikk bgt... Nemenin gw kmna aja.. And masih sempet2nya kita ngobrol berdua infront of the door and when we sit with the others we chit chat.. Hahaha... He told me that his wife gave HP sony as bday present.. Hahaha..

We have ceremonial.. tante lily and ko denis come on saturday evening.. I dont know what he thinking ya... Masa dia gak salamin gw sama sekali.. Even i come to near him even si tante lily already gave me shakehand.. Hahahha... Once a time on we have chit chat, i saw his eyes looking at me and he look around.. He attantion with me? Hahaha

And on sunday they follow to kuburan too... Ko dennis drive car and they come late.. So after ibadah i prepare stiker to his car...

I dont know what he thinking of me... But from first time we met, we dont teach each other.. Eventhough shakehand.. Hahaha... We not touch each other.. Its so amazing... Hmm.. Its a fourth time we met.. What i know now is ko denis is seaching house.. One day when im sick tante lily phone to home and told that there is one developer want soft lauching cluster... And ko denis want go there with my parents.. Hahahaa.. His sound soo bass but look like kids sound.. Hahahaha...
Thats not im falling in love with him ya.. Hahahahha

Thats my bday present from God.. Thank Lord for always with me.. And now i starting with new day..

Its a begining

Its a begining of my fear from my parents.. On last may I went with my parents with tante and ko denis.. Going to bogor for looking the land at ujung berung entah dmna..
On that time im so afraid for weird conversation.. But, everything is going well and there is no weird questions and weird conversation.. Smooth as my unpredicable.. Event there some celotehan from tante when we already arrive at the location. " brani gak de tinggal dsni sama si denis" and I left the converstion.. Hahahahaa....

After that the momemnt everything is going well and there is no other question.. And recently my dad open the conversation on dinner, he told about our neighbourhood that famliy is one of my mom's friend.. And she want acquaint her son to me.. Its realy weird and uncomfertable for me.. They realy want me to do this.. Im so unbelieveable.. They did it to me..

The other situation dy not yet come to sunday school.. And I and reni realy do hard for sunday school.. Teaching, story telling.. And greta help me to being guitarist.. Its realy amazing.. But, im so tired to do this.. I and reni just did every sunday in same feeling if one of us not come so pity she must do everything alone..

If dy can come back to sunday school.. I hope I had the spirit that I already lost.. Dy sti being my friend.. I hope he still know me so well as before marriage life..

Thnks god I have a beautiful life in my journey.. Sad, happy, weird, angry I still feels that fell im so happy to feels that..

On my officemate.. I still play with adi, Amir, fadia.. And many friends... I hope I can still have friends like them happy, cry, I told to them..

Thnks god for what already happen in my life..

SIL im in love

I love when SIL held with good condition... On the first day, im caming late but evrything is going ok. Hendy come first then me. I bring all of the things... And hendy just watch what i did... On the first day i had not good mood with him...

Even i not in good mood, but dy still caring me... He asking me eat snack for third times.. I love when he still caring me... When he aet for lunch, he asking me to eat but i didn't want....

Ohh.. God why he still caring me... I realy love the way he take care of me.... And i said to him that i want go to tebet, he told me the way i must took.

I still love the way he take care of me.. Even he already married, but he still caring me... Still same like years before... Still caring, grumble, remind...

And the second day... I love on the second day so much.. I woke up very early and go to first chapel... I think dy come to first chapel too but he didnt come... And he come very late... Hahhaha... I call him, but i get busy with children... So i didnt heard what his answer.. Hehehhe....

And when all of we already ready to go, he come... Hehehehhe..

What i love is he still caring me... When worship started, the mic off i try it but didnt works... And he try and get be anxious about that mic.. Hehehhe... and still didnt works. 

What i love is, we discuss about where we will go again. And we get little problem about lunch.. We must go in to cinema, but the lunch didnt come untill the time... So we decided to give them snack, and after cinema we give them lunch.... Before we go to cinema, on akuarium air tawar, i get stomache... And i want buy candy he asking

"Napa?"

" felis mulai eneq, mo beli permen"

" jgn permen donk.. Beli yang manis2., teh manis nih. Tapi terserah si.."

That the way he caring me... I love that the way he caring me... Ad when children eat snack, he asking me 

" udah makn blm?"

" udah tadi mimun teh manisnya"

And still like usual, i give my lunch half the portion... Hehhehe.. And he didnt get angry anymore.. Hehehhe... Still amaze that he still caring me.. Even he already married... I love his way,,. I love the way he caring me.... Even i still worry that event is the last event for me and him.. I worry he didnt join again in next year.., oohhh.. God... I really worry of that... 

Still hoping i can handle eveything without him... I can do it by myself...not depend of dy.. 

I like this moment very much... 

In my dream

I dont know what i dream in last night... And i dont know what the means of that dream.

I dream about me and darwin,,,,

Ohh God why must darwin again in my dream.. I never met him again after high school, and i met him one month ago and i just saw his face in far away... But in my dream.... Its 180 degree diffrent...

I and my high school mate, got dinner but there is no amei fibi in that dinner.. On my side there is billy, snd i forget who is in my front... And i remember i and darwin not sest nearby. I on the right side and darwin on the other side but we can saw our face... And on our dinner, we eat, chitchat.. And one of my friend call singer on that cafe to sing..,.. And he sing

"You're so special for me... You're so special for me feno... " 

And when the singer sang a song one by one my friend show me the paper within some text. Some i can read clearly and some i cannt... Some text hat i can read is 

" darwin ❤ feno"

" will you marry me" 

And some other text that i cannt read clearly...

Im so speechless.... Because that moment is out of my mind....

And i didnt give the answer to darwin... 

And the situation change with my office mate... But, darwin still on my dream... We on vacation, and darwin ask me my answer and he show me the text... Thats text that i give to him, our chit chat on paper, he rewrote on computer... I just smile when i read that conversation... 

Untill finish i didnt give the answer but we had good communication, had good relationship.... He take care of me, he take me being his other half life....

Dear God,

I didnt know what had happen in darwin life now.. I just saw him one month ago and i saw him from far  away in crowed place,... Event i want talk much with him, but my friend stop me to do that... So i just saw him.. How he looks now.. And its make me happy.. For years not met him again and talk to him again... But that moment not more that one minute. I realy remember how he looks now...

God, i dont know what thats dream means.. What i know now is, he looks good... 

I hope he got good healty, had a good life, had a good relationship with his parents.... I dont know what he doing now,  i dont know what he being now... What i know is he want being succsess bussinesman... I hope that dream not only dresm, he can be a good boss....

I hope one day i can met him in one situation, one moment and i hope its being good moment.. 

One year past

Finaly i wrote this blog againafter almost one year i not write to the blog... Many story that i would told in this blog... 

Its about my new job in matahari, i almost one year worked in matahari... And i think i just do it the job desk.. Its not my soul... But i want wait untill get bonus on this year.. Fuuiihhh.... I just resize and check and check and got wrong again and again.... Everyday almost same like day before... So i think is too ored worked in matahari for years.., hahahhaa...

Thats my story about my job.... What i want told in this blog is.....

Wy best friend wedding!!! 😊

It already half year my best friend married... And i still love how he caring me and we still sharing... But, i know there happen in his life he can not told me again..l about his wife and his life... Now, we just sharing about my life, my work, sunday school.. Thats only that i can told to him... Smetimes his wife not come to church.. At that time, im so happy because i can sharing, i can be on is side when he need friend.... Sometime i felt lonely when he not come to church... So now and then after teaching sunday school, i will go home... I dont know i have diffrent feeling than before... 

What i love is, i drove him again, when sunday school had kebersamaan. We eat together at citraland.. Ad i drove my car, because his car driven by his wife to central park. And after we eat together he drove me and i drove him to central park after we drop of one of our friend.... 

I dont know i still can not stop talking about him.... How i forget him... How i not remember him, how i admire him... Untill now i cant stop loving him as my best shoulder... 😘 I still remember when he getting married on the day we got cupika cupiki twice!!!, 😚 on his bday i gave the present home sweet home pigura that i order to amoy... Hahahaha... Ad we got cupika cupiki again... Ohh... I love the memories i had after his married... What i felt is when his wife not come to chuch i felt so bless to have he in my life... But when his wife come to chuch i felt lonely and nobody else again around me....

Ahhh..... Never end to talk about him.....  ❤

What i want wrote to this blog again is aobut my parents!

One day in one month after new year my dad asking about one of this friend's son! Its about tante lily's son, dennis. Fortunately i not yet meet ko dennis so i can not answer dad question "klo menurt kamu anaknya tante lily gmna? Kira2 dmen gak?" Thats the question....

And.... The weekend of valentine. Tante lily and her son come to rumah serpong and this is the first time i meet him... Not talk much, just hear wht dad and he talk about, fortunatly im not join with them!

HahahhAa...... After meet him..  I think my dad so carefuly to permit me to go... Like as when i want met elementary mate, my dad ask " temnnya cewe smua apa ada lakinya?" And sometimes he asking me about my friend gender that i told to him... Fuuuiihhh.... I realy dont know what my parents think and prepare for me....

Thanks God for what had happen in my life... Problem, blessing... Everything i felt in my life im so thank full.... Every storm that i felt its make me stuff to everything happen in m life...

One more time... Thanks God, thats i cam wrote to this blog again what happen in my life... 📇📋📜📖📒📝